Objective Solution Framework

Examples

From rushed answer to right objective

Four cases from the Objective Solution Framework, walked end-to-end across all seven steps.

Marriage

Spousal situation

7 steps
1
Situation
My spouse and I have been arguing for years. We rarely enjoy spending time together. We have two children and I am considering divorce, but I don't want to hurt the kids. What should I do?
2
Objective
Present the first three outcomes to the other partner and watch signals over 6 months, then act.
3
Solutions
  • A · Stay happily married — real commitment from both sides.
  • B · Stay unhappily married — family, kids' health and safety compromised.
  • C · Separate on good terms — cooperative, financially prepared.
  • D · Separate on bad terms — social stigma, financial fight, risk to children while dating.
4
Refined (Bias & Fear)
Face the negatives most people avoid: kids affected by divorce, exposure to babysitting/dating risks, social judgment. If you stay and it's wasted time, life is wasted too. Prepare for the unfavorable path so you're not deciding out of fear.
5
Abstracted Objective
For marriage to work, both partners need to be compatible, committed, and think about the whole family — not just themselves. I need to figure this out in 6 months.
6
Boundary Defined
Are both partners understanding what staying married means to them, and maintaining that compatibility and commitment for the betterment of everyone in the family? Monitor for the next 6 months for signals and prepare yourself for emotional and financial independence if signals are negative.
7
Out-In Approach
  1. A
    "Are both partners understanding what staying married means to them"
    → Communicate. Find out what marriage means to each, what each has to give up to stay compatible and committed, and what neither should give up so it doesn't feel like a jail.
  2. B
    "maintaining that compatibility"
    → Decide how you will actually maintain it and how you will measure it — not intentions, observable behavior.
  3. C
    "and commitment for the betterment of everyone in the family"
    → Look for commitment through actions, not words.
  4. D
    "Monitor for the next 6 months for signals"
    → Watch monthly for whether things are improving; you've given both of you a clear deadline to turn things around.
  5. E
    "prepare yourself for emotional and financial independence if signals are negative"
    → Build emotional strength (self-love, support network, no dependence on manipulation) and a financial cushion so you can act from strength, not fear.
Career

Great career decisions

7 steps
1
Situation
I want to have a great career. Despite hard work I never had one — not by anyone's standard, especially my spouse's.
2
Objective
Understand how the engineering field is changing so I can follow the growth trends and keep salary and promotions moving.
3
Solutions
  • A · Get into a top university as a stepping stone.
  • B · Retrain into a fast-growth engineering discipline.
  • C · Turn entrepreneur and build a successful career.
  • D · Drift with idealism and specialization in a shrinking field.
4
Refined (Bias & Fear)
I over-specialized in R&D that didn't produce revenue. I had ego about not following the crowd into CS. I never studied entrepreneurship — customers, marketing, iteration. Bias: 'someone great doesn't need a university name.' Fear: admitting I was boxed in.
5
Abstracted Objective
I should have understood which new companies were emerging and which universities were ahead of those trends — and steered into them.
6
Boundary Defined
Use a great university as a stepping stone career, or grow into a fast-growth industry to keep a highly successful career, or turn into an entrepreneur with an eventual successful career.
7
Out-In Approach
  1. A
    "Use a great university as a stepping stone career"
    → Work to get into a great school; treat it as leverage, not identity.
  2. B
    "grow into a fast-growth industry to keep a highly successful career"
    → Spot the trends and steer into them between career gaps.
  3. C
    "turn into an entrepreneur with an eventual successful career"
    → Study entrepreneurship — customers, marketing, product development, iteration loops.
Friendship

Keeping a stingy friend

7 steps
1
Situation
My friend behaves very stingily. It affects me every time.
2
Objective
Have my friend's behavior stop affecting me.
3
Solutions
  • A · Accept the behavior and understand its origin.
  • B · Ask him to change (rarely lasts).
  • C · Quietly reduce contact.
  • D · Cut him off dramatically (ego-driven).
4
Refined (Bias & Fear)
Wanting him to change when we're together is ego-driven — that can't be the objective. Maybe I'm too judgmental. Maybe I'm judging him on a few occasions, not the pattern. I may owe him understanding of his past before I decide.
5
Abstracted Objective
Understanding both my past (why it bothers me) and his past (why he became this way) may be important. Do the positives outweigh the negative feelings?
6
Boundary Defined
There is something in me that really bothers me when I am judging others, and there is some reason people behave stingily — understanding both is important to decide about a friendship that started because of some positives you found initially.
7
Out-In Approach
  1. A
    "There is something in me that really bothers me when I am judging others"
    → Examine your behavior and why it formed in early childhood — why judging others affects you so much.
  2. B
    "there is some reason people behave stingily, understanding both are important"
    → What made him stingy? What were his growing up years like? Knowing this may give you a soft corner so it won't bother you anymore.
  3. C
    "decide about a friendship that started because of some positives you found initially"
    → Assess both positives and negatives so you remember the positives every time a negative bothers you.
Ethics

Someone took advantage of your kindness

7 steps
1
Situation
We lent our car to a friend who said he needed it temporarily while we were out of town. When we returned, the odometer showed 2,000 extra miles. They used it for a long trip without telling us.
2
Objective
Confront them — either they deny it or justify it. Explain what they did wrong. My anger says this is justified.
3
Solutions
  • A · Keep the friendship.
  • B · Lose the friendship.
  • C · (Ego-driven) Make them realize and apologize — usually the reflex.
  • D · (Ego-driven) Change their behavior — rarely happens.
4
Refined (Bias & Fear)
My spouse suggested forgiveness instead. Learning about their poverty growing up gave context — they may not have known how to behave around a luxury. The action was still wrong, but the reaction doesn't have to be ego. Fear framing: anger justifies itself.
5
Abstracted Objective
This may be an opportunity for me to practice forgiveness, rather than change the situation, educate someone, or satisfy my ego.
6
Boundary Defined
This is an opportunity for me to demonstrate true forgiveness — I didn't need them as friends, but because they were my spouse's distant relatives, I needed to demonstrate to my spouse that I do have the capacity to forgive even when I am wronged.
7
Out-In Approach
  1. A
    "This is an opportunity for me to demonstrate true forgiveness though I didn't need them as friends"
    → Hard to do, but focusing on their poverty growing up rather than what they did helped. Set one objective and drive toward it — don't let anger keep swapping it.
  2. B
    "because they were my spouse's distant relatives, I needed to demonstrate to my spouse that I have the capacity to forgive even when wronged"
    → Don't stress. Don't replay the scene and re-trigger anger — that's stress-induced damage. Pretend I didn't know, forgive, and move on. I never spoke to them again — but without carrying it.
Run the framework on your own situation